A Mother's Village
Why the advice fails, and what to try when it does.
“Sleep when the baby sleeps” assumes the baby sleeps predictably, that you can fall asleep on command, and that nothing else in the house needs doing. For most people, none of those are true.
Naps are often short and unpredictable, and it takes most adults twenty minutes to fall asleep — by which point it is over. Meanwhile the nap window is the only time anything else can happen, so it gets spent on the washing.
Sleep deprivation is not a parenting skill issue. It is a staffing issue.
The single most useful thing anyone can offer a new parent is ninety minutes of daylight sleep. Not a casserole, not advice — a nap. If someone asks what you need, this is what to say.
If you cannot sleep even when the baby does, if your mind will not slow down, or if you feel wired rather than exhausted, mention it to your doctor or public-health nurse. Sleep and mental health run in both directions, and this is a treatable problem — not something to wait out.
This article is general information, not medical advice. If something here worries you, or you are struggling, please speak to your doctor, midwife or public-health nurse. In an emergency call 911. For urgent mental-health support anywhere in Canada, call or text 988.
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