The Fourth Trimester Nobody Prepared You For

The first twelve weeks after birth get a fraction of the attention the nine months before them do. Antenatal classes prepare you thoroughly for one day and barely at all for the three months that follow it.

Your body is still doing something

Recovery is not passive. The uterus is shrinking back, tissue is healing, hormones are moving further and faster than at any other point in adult life, and if you are feeding, your body is running a second full-time metabolic job. Being tired in this period is not weakness. It is workload.

The emotional weather is wide

Most mothers experience some low, weepy days in the first fortnight. That is common and usually passes. What is not the same thing is a flatness or anxiety that settles in and stays.

• Common and usually passing: tearfulness, sensitivity, vivid emotions in the first two weeks.
• Worth a conversation: low mood, anxiety or numbness lasting beyond two weeks.
• Worth a conversation today: feeling disconnected from your baby, intrusive frightening thoughts, or feeling you cannot keep going.

One in five mothers experiences postpartum depression or anxiety. It is common, it is not your fault, and it responds well to support.

What actually helps

Fewer visitors and more practical help. Meals that appear without being asked for. Someone who takes the baby for ninety minutes so you can sleep in daylight. Being asked how you are, not only how the baby is feeding.

Asking early is not overreacting

If something feels wrong, say so at your next appointment, or before it. Health professionals in Canada are used to this conversation and would far rather have it early. You are not wasting anybody’s time.